My Fox 4 Interview

My interview aired on Fox 4 news Tuesday, Dec. 18th.  The poll they took online had to have been way off of reality.  EVERY single person I have spoken with about this agrees that intimidating children through fear (of removing their Christmas joy) is a really bad thing and teaches children all the wrong things. 

Children believe what they are told. They believe that Santa can see everything they do and will judge them for it.  Granted there are still people out there that believe in a condemning God that will judge us on everything we do. A forgiving God who let our sins go with Jesus, of course let Christians, off the hook.  Isn’t this what Christmas is supposed to be celebrating? But kids, don’t get let off so easily.  Scared Straight Santa does not forgive.

Responses I have gotten from people who saw the interview:

“Okay, I have one more thing. I think the parents of the kids who got calls should REALLY not get presents under the tree. Desperate measures are necessary at times.

Now I am done!”

“Good for You! “

“I saw this at 5pm. I agree with you - very damaging. Its sad that parents feel like that is the only way they can get the behavior they want out of kids.”

“I have never heard the radio program, but you had a very good point in that he is ignorant as to why kids act out and threatening them is tantamount to bribing, extortion, whatever. It is not a fix for the problem. It is not Santa's job to parent, it's the parent's job! You certainly are in a position to speak, not only from a professional point-of-view, but you have raised three lovely kids.”

“Melody, I watched your interview on line at work and showed our play therapists who work with traumatized children every day. They were totally supportive of you and said they planned to go home and both "vote" and write to the station.

Kudos to you for stepping out on that limb. It is astonishing what people will do for entertainment. “

“It was a thrill to see you in the news segment of Channel 4.(they ran

it several times I think) what I loved about it is how well it was done-- and how you really shone as a beacon - for the advocacy of children.

First, the setting was wonderful- in your home-- with your 3 daughters there-- gave you credibility as a Mom.

Plus, it was relaxed and real.

Then the reporter did a great job of giving you professional credibility-- with you book sitting up on the table and her saying you have written several books in this field.

Next, it was so natural the way you heard the radio segment and reacted to it. Eventually turning it off because of the way it affected the children on the phone- and then being such an advocate for those children that you stepped up and made a point to challenge what the DJ (Scary Santa) was doing every year. It was that old model of getting children to mind their parents by having "Scary Santa" threaten them with no toys for Christmas. And his defense of the premise was that they have done it as a "fun" segment for several years and no one has every complained.

Anyway, you looked gorgeous, you spoke with passion, conviction and reason and you made you point. Plus, you came across as a professional with key points for parents to consider and as a loving mom who cares about her children and all children.

I was so proud of you -- and of the station for featuring that segment -- you made a statement as a COACH about the value and worth of children. “

“I, too, saw the segment and you were awesome: Ginger pinpointed things that

I noticed, too. You made such a good presence and I liked having your family around, too. Thanks for standing up for children. My granddaughter (21) and

I saw it together and she was impressed by your stepping out to express your opinion. “

“You looked good and sounded credible. The risk on these kinds of things is that they edit away and broadcast something out of context making the interviewee look like an idiot. I guess everything you said was on target and there was no choice but to make you a credible professional. They even "summarized" your comments at the end quite well I thought. Good job for speaking out on something that meant a lot to you. “

“You got my vote, Melody! “

“You got my vote! I totally agree with you . . . unfortunately, we live in a society uneducated about the paralyzing effects of our emotional fears that are often formed before we even start school. Then we each continue to stuff our emotional baggage that shows up in every relationship we have: work, play, family, friends. Thank you for raising awareness! “

“I watched the interview and whole heartily agree with you. The fact that the radio station and Zazza think it's ok, does not mean that the act of scaring or threatening children is appropriate behavior for adults. You presented your side with strength and authority. I hope lots of people notified Fox 4 with support for you thinking, as I did. “

“I have never heard the radio program, but you had a very good point in that he is ignorant as to why kids act out and threatening them is tantamount to bribing, extortion, whatever. It is not a fix for the problem. It is not Santa's job to parent, it's the parent's job! You certainly are in a position to speak, not only from a professional point-of-view, but you have raised three lovely kids. “

Let me know what you think. 

I would like to start a campaign to end this nonsense throughout the country.  It’s a very bad idea and kids need to think of Christmas as a time of love and forgiveness, not condemnation

Why all the uproar?

I've read in the paper that the Catholics are up in arms over the release of the movie version of Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass, a children's fantasy book. I wonder if any of them have read the book? I read it a couple of years ago and found it to be a delightful adventure story full of powerful metaphors.

The possibility of the "Magisterium" an authoritarian organisation which restricts freedoms in order to impose its own systems of belief upon the populace representing the Catholic Church is what the uproar is about. But why? If you have read the book and are Catholic, how could you see a church you love as having these qualities? The authoritarian air of the "Magisterium" can represent any organization that has the goal or limiting personal freedoms.

Besides, there are many other movies and stories that specifically target the Catholic church much more directly. How about the Three Musketeers? Or, Joan of Arc? Or, Shogun? Or The Thornbirds? Perhaps it is just because the book and movie has children as it's primary audience?

The story revolves around Lyra a young girl of about 12 that was raised at what appears to be some sort of monastary. She is then captured by an illegal group of perverse individuals whose goal is to separate children from their souls (represented by a "daemon" animal that lives outside their bodies). The adventure ensues as Lyra escapes and works at rescuing the other chiildren in the grips of this group.

The Metaphors

Over the past twenty years I have worked with adults and adolescents that have been abused by parents and other authority figures that have done their level best to remove their souls. As children, they were subjected to all kinds of authoritarian rituals that reduceds them to soulless fractions of the self they were born into.

Through emotional and physical coercive techniques, authoritative parents and organizations of all sorts have required children to give up their SELF in order to not be beaten or even merely rejected. This is what the "Magisterium" represents, not the Catholic (or any other) Church.

I remember sitting in a doctors office waiting room when my kids were small. One mother had a two year old little boy who was sitting next to her. Every time this child wiggled, not misbehaved, but merely wiggled, the woman slapped his arm or his thigh. The little boy had obviously already lost his soul because he didn't even wimper or protest in any way.

Another mother I witnessed in grocery store. She had four children with her ranging in ages from about three to twelve. They were standing quietly all in a line behind her at the check out. I smiled at them and asked their mother how she did that (get her kids to be so cooperative). She looked at me with a steely, dead serious expression and said "You have to break their spirit." The woman appeared normal enough, but the comment sent chills down my spine.

That's what The Golden Compass is about. It's not about the Church. It's about any person or group of people who would attempt to force children (and of course, any of us) into losing our spirit.

Who are the "Bad Guys"?

The authoritarian figures in the story, and in our lives, are the real losers in the book and in life. They have lost their souls so completely as to not care about the emotional and spiritual life of human beings. One can only guess at the horrors that these people must have experienced to have lost their souls so completely.

Believing that there is no one who cares about us or that there is no value to our SELF is what causes us to lose our souls. Any of us who are subjected to these conditions over long enough a period, will lose our souls.

What does it mean to "lose our souls"?

Losing our souls is when we lose connection with our emotional and spiritual life. How much or our life requires us to give up our SELF?

The good news is that we can re-connect with our lost souls. We can re-connnect with our emotions and our spirit. It's not easy, but it is not only possible, its necessary for us to experience joy in our lives.

How do we re-connect with our souls?

Try the following for a few days and notice how different you feel about yourself and your life when you spend this time with your SELF

Take the time to breathe

LIsten to what your body is telling you

Put one hand over your heart and breathe air into your heart

Close your eyes and listen inside to whatever comes up

Do nothing to stop the feelings that arise

Listen to what your feelings are trying to tell you about you, about your life, about anything that is going on in your life.

Let me know what happens!

I'd love to hear about your experiences as you move toward re-connecting with your emotions. What problems come up for you? What felt good about it?

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