A recent article on Oprah.com warns us that our spouse’s moods might be catching. It says doctors are concerned because a heart bypass patient with a “neurotic and anxious” spouse is more likely to be depressed after 18 months. They don’t seem to concerned about the neurotic spouse’s contribution to the need for a bypass in the first place.

Posted by Mike Henricks, Melody's husband and partner.

Of course our spouse effects our moods, our health, everything. Unless you take the view that a spouse is just a business partner with “benefits” you already knew that. I’m really disturbed by this popular view that our closest, most vital relationship with someone we have chosen to try and spend the rest of our life with should be a “just when it suits us” thing. It is just nuts.

Even our bodies know better than that. The article blames our “mirror neurons” that make us much more sensitive to the emotional state of our lover for our “catching” our partner’s foul humor. Those mirror neurons help us pick up and respond to the most important person in our life, our life partner. The article suggests you “disengage” from your spouse when they are negative. Can you spell abandonment? What you need is perspective, compassion, and respect. The entire “Oh Wow” approach to relationships is built on helping you understand what is yours, and what is theirs. This lets you stay present as just your normal self (that’s the best version of you, anyway) instead of taking some artificial stance to protect yourself or abandoning your partner, You can stay connected to them without being sucked into their current crisis.

It is supposed to be a marriage, after all.

Posted by Mike Henricks, Melody's husband and partner