Our summer guest
This summer my family has had the delight of hosting a college student during his Internship at a law firm in Downtown Dallas. We live out side of Dallas in Lewisville. It’s a good 45 minutes to downtown from here, so we had tried to find him a host closer to his work. Fortunately for us, we were unsuccessful.
Though our four bedroom house is already was already bursting at the seams, Alex came to stay with us in the middle of June. Three of our four daughters and our son have been in and out of the house all summer. Heather was still here, until July 1st, when she started her own Internship for Samsung Mobile Fresh Films. Jenny came home at the end of May, as did Hayley. Jenny was returning from a study abroad in London and Hayley graduated from UTSA. Jenny set off to Australia for yet another study abroad on July 15th. Hayley has been working part time and looking to find her first “real job”. Meanwhile, Wayne has been here for two weeks at a time, plus some, over the summer. Heather has completed her Internship and is home, now about to graduate from UNT in a week. All of this never rattled Alex, in fact, he seems to have enjoyed the comings and goings of all our crew.
Alex
I don’t even know where to start when talking about Alex. Someone I met with yesterday said “Our kids are just as great when they are guests at someone else’s home.” Well, I certainly hope so! Alex has been cheerful, childlike and yet so grown up all at the same time. He has gotten us to have more sit-down meals together than we have had in all the nine years Mike and I have been married. He participates in these meals, too, volunteering to help cook, set the table and clean afterwards. Some nights he comes in wanting to “bake something” an makes us a cake, crepes, or pudding or something. Every night he brings with him his sweet nature and bright energy.
Every morning he gets up, puts on his freshly laundered white shirt, tie and suit. He has a bowl of cereal and heads for downtown at about 7:45. I can’t say I am always up when he is preparing to leave but when I am, he greets me with his bright “Good morning” and chatter about the toils of going to work for sometimes 14 hours a day. When he gets home early enough he takes a long walk or bike ride. One Saturday afternoon he was bored and cleaned out and rearranged our entire pantry. Another he sat down and made a paper mach¢e bowl. Other times he sits out by the pool or in the park reading. He has also made the best of his time here by exploring area attractions and events. He went to the Dallas Symphony one night, to the Arboretum, to Fair Park and to Sundance Square and the Ft Worth Zoo. He often went to the store for something for himself and either picked up something for us unasked, or thoughtfully asked if there was something he could pick up. Somewhere along in there he took a hold of our hearts.
Stressful summer
It has been a stressful summer anyway, and he has kept us cheerful throughout the difficulties. I became ill going out to California for Athena’s graduation from Law School at the start of the summer. We went to Kerrville New Folk for our annual trip and or fellow Kerrvillian Ronzo died of a heart attack. Mike had a horrible spasm in his shoulder one night and we spent the entire night in the ER. Then I came down with a case of Shingles. Just as I was recovering from the Shingles I underwent a minor operation to remove a pre-cancerous cyst on my side. And of course, we moved my things out of my office, and re-arranged two entire rooms of our house to accommodate my things. Alex helped us with it all, even scrubbing the office floor on his hands and knees to remove the gunk left by the lining used to keep the (now removed) rug from slipping on the wood floor.
Yesterday was Mike’s birthday and he is the only one- none of our kids - got him a card. And last night he got me a huge bag of Sour Patch Kids (my one real vice.)
The gift
When Jenny left for Australia, he got her a gift as his “host” for the summer (it was her friend from NYU that asked Jenny to find Alex a place). Jenny thought he would get Mike and I something, too. At the time I thought, “Wow, that’s completely unnecessary. Alex has been such a gift to us- we should get him something.”
He is leaving tomorrow and I am not ready! I didn’t fully understand how much I am not ready until I woke up this morning crying. I had a dream about his leaving in which he gave us each a gift card as a going away gift, and I handed mine back to him. I told him, “You don’t have to do this because you have been such a gift to us.” Then I put my arms around him and started to cry, I said. “We don’t want you to go!”
I woke up sobbing, Mike heard me and put his arms around me. It was then I realized how close Alex is to the age Lance would have been now. Alex is 19 and Lance would be 20. Saying good-bye to Alex feels like saying good-bye to Lance. Lance was seven weeks old when he dies of Sudden Infant Death.
Oh, I get it now
Coincidentally I am closing my office today. It marks the beginning of my moving into a new career path. Oh, I will still be seeing some clients in another office, but the move is a clearly defined moment of moving my career path. And my counseling career has been a kind of monument to Lance. It was after he died that I went back to school and got my degree in Counseling. For me, it was a way to make some meaning out of his passing. The coincidental convergence of these two losses in one day is strangely poetic. I let go of both my “monument” to Lance and (while I wasn’t consciously aware of it) an adult representation of of who Lance might have been in the form of Alex.
I don't know how to say good-bye
As I write this he is upstairs getting ready for his last day at his Internship. We are leaving tonight, probably before he gets home, for my 35th (yes, that’s right, 35th) High School Reunion. So I will say my good-bye this in a few minutes with a bittersweet pain in my heart.
BYE ALEX!