Awesome Cat

My husband is not a cat fan. He used to run his wife's Veterinarian Hospital and had too many difficult run-in's with cats to feel fond of them. But this morning a cat in Austin earned it's keep and increased the overall stature of cats in a lot of people's eyes.

Apparently the former dweller in the cat's apartment had been a collector of child pornography, serious child pornography. The DVD's this cat uncovered digging through a pile of heretofore undiscovered discs hidden on top of the kitchen cabinets were chock full of video of children from the ages of 5 to 14 being used for sexual pleasure. The cat's owner turned the DVD's over to the police and they were able to track down the DVD collector and arrested him.

Everyone involved in the case celebrated that the culprit was found and punished. This is when my head turns around like Linda Blair's in The Exorcist. What about those kids? Who made the originals and who is stopping THEM?

There were Children on those DVD's!

For the past 20 years I have worked very hard to help adolescents and adults recover from the debilitating effects of having been treated the way these children were in those DVD's. Much of the time, the press, and even the mental health community at large, denies that this happens to children. Now, they will reluctantly admit that it does happen "occasionally", but then go on to call the memories of the abused "false" and accuse the therapists of "implanting" these memories.

Funny, when my own father heard that I was recalling memories of my uncle's having abused me he sent me books about "false memories" and told me that my therapist was "implanting" these ideas in my head. I can't help but wonder how many of the children in these DVD's will have fathers, family members, doctors and others tell them their memories were "implanted". This has definitely hit my soapbox.

Who are the kids on those videos? Is someone trying to figure that out and then help the kids or perhaps, now adults, who were so perversely used? I seriously doubt it.

If there is a positive outcome from this, it's not arresting the poor bloke who collected the DVD's, its that it cannot be denied that child pornography exists. Logically one can then say, "Okay, if child pornography exists, then children must being being abused and the adults recalling this abuse are telling the truth."

A "Poor Bloke"?

Now, you may be wondering why I call this sick-o a "poor bloke". Well, it's because this guy was most likely a survivor of some type of abuse himself. Yet when he gets into the legal system it is highly unlikely he will get the help he needs to heal. When we look at the perpetrators of this kind of abuse, even the voyeurs, as being criminals and "bad guys" we limit our ability to stop the abuse from continuing. Simply criminalizing them does not stop the behavior. Understanding how they were hurt and helping them heal from it, have empathy for the child THEY were, is the only way for them to begin to have empathy for the children they hurt.

Empathy Works

This totally works. The sexual impulses become implanted and the perpetrators have a very difficult time changing their sexual patterns, and their fantasies never change. BUT they can learn to have empathy for the children and consequently stop the outward behavior.

When I was working on an adolescent unit several years ago there was a 15 year old girl whose father had formerly been incarcerated for abusing her when she was younger. This girl loved her father, and her father loved her dearly, in spite of what he had done to her. After treatment, which he actually got in the Texas system in those days,(I'm not sure it happens now, that was 15 years ago) he had empathy for his daughter. He told her, "I love you but I can NEVER be trusted to be with you alone." He understood the impact of his former behavior and made the conscious choice to prevent himself from ever being alone with children. This is what make the difference and not only protects the children, it heals the adult assailants.

Changing Our Paradigm

This is part of my experience as a therapist which has formed my model for understanding how our brains work and why we do the things we do. Moving ourselves out of the black and white, "good guys" and "bad guys" paradigm allows us to have true compassion for all people, not just those we perceive as the "victim" in a situation. If we do not move out of this old paradigm and into a paradigm that includes compassion our world will continue to be in turmoil and healing for our society and the individuals within that society cannot occur.

Sick-o or Human with a Problem?

I know my position is not common or even perhaps, acceptable in many circles. Maybe my position is even radical from some perspectives. Tell me what you think, am I off my rocker, on target, or somewhere in between. What do you think?